My mom had a saying for whenever my sister or I were sad, sick, or just in a funk. She’d give us a hug and say, “You just have a case of the ‘can’t-help-its,’ don’t you?” ( In my head she says it with a southern accent even though we grew up in Colorado, but I digress.) It means you just can’t help but feel blue, which is how I felt during week 4 of quarantine.
Knowing my birthday was at the end of the week didn’t help. Knowing everything I know from my coach trainings and certifications didn’t help. Even knowing how extremely lucky I am that my family is safe and healthy at home didn’t help, because this sucks. I felt sad, irritated, worried, helpless, unfocused, tired. To top it off, I felt ashamed by those feelings given how good my family and I have it. We are all on an emotional roller coaster right now, and for many of us, the best way to help is to stay home. Talk about feeling helpless!
So what can we do when we hit these funks?
Name it to Tame It: When we can pause for a minute and name what we are feeling, without judgement, we become calmer and take some of its power away. I was able to take a walk through the snowy woods and while I knew I was feeling sad and helpless, it was there that I realized an even bigger feeling was shame. I was ashamed of feeling this way. When I finally realized it and named it, I could decide how to move forward.
Ask yourself, “How do I want to feel?” and “What do I need?”: Once you’ve named your emotion, what’s next? Your answer might be that you still need time to feel down. Or, you might decide you’re done with the funk and need to connect with someone, workout, or get back to a routine. I decided I wanted to feel better, and knew one way to do so was to get back into my routine of...ahem...showering each morning. Judgement-free zone here, folks.
Find the small things that bring you joy: I’m not going to tell you to “just think positive.” While I whole-heartedly believe in the benefits of positive psychology, it’s not an easy fix, especially right now. However, what I have found helpful is really noticing the joy that comes from the small stuff. For me it has been appreciating each text or video chat I receive from friends and family, because part of this funk we’re all feeling is isolation from our loved ones.
Find a way to help others: One of the best ways to help ourselves is to help others. This feeling of helplessness is tough, but there are ways to feel useful and actually impact someone’s day. Be the one to reach out. If you are in a position to do so, donate to a local non-profit. Grab takeout from a local restaurant or buy a gift card to your salon. Sew masks, send nice notes to those who could use it, or hang hearts on your windows to cheer people up.
And if none of this works, maybe you just have a case of the “Can’t Help Its” and need a hug, and that’s okay.